Got a domain for Christmas, won’t be updating this place any more.
(And I AM aware it’s not Christmas yet!)
Got a domain for Christmas, won’t be updating this place any more.
(And I AM aware it’s not Christmas yet!)
(Firstly, sorry for not returning comments. And not approving them either. Don’t worry, they’re not in spam. They’re there. I’m just bad at returning them.)
Mika is coming to my school.
Announcement was made in assembly to a million fangirly cries (more like 500. Effect is the same). My ears died. I’ve never listened to Mika before (although I think it’s sometimes played by someone’s random iPod during Art), but I knew he was internationally famous; still, the information crept by my ears without any lasting impact. He’s coming to where I live sometime in January I think. And so is Green Day. AND WHY COULDN’T GREEN DAY COME TO MY SCHOOL?! The world is not fair :( Speaking of, Muse is coming to where I live two days before my birthday. Interesting.
My mum lent me her fountain pen a while ago. It’s a pretty expensive – although obviously not top-notch, or else she wouldn’t dare lend it to me! – fountain pen, and very nice to write with indeed. I find that my handwriting becomes very italicised and joined-up-ey (more than usual) when I use it. But it usually results in some difficulty in reading back what I wrote – even though writing with the fountain pen is extremely comfortable for my hand.
I had two tests today and my stomach screwed up. My mum diagnosed it with the problem of stress. A few days before the start of this academic year my stomach screwed up in the same way too. The solution is obvious: I need to relax. But insomnia, pressure and an ever-ongoing inner monologue of random crap & paranoia do not help. Paranoia especially. I’m starting to think that my most important characteristic is paranoia.
I know I haven’t been able to write anything interesting lately, but for the past few weeks my attention has been drawn to an online war simulation game – or something of the sort. And it’s test period too, with my Chemistry and Economics tests coming up sometime soon. I’m horribly nervous for both of them, because I MUST DO WELL IN ECON TEST! And Chem is just important; it’s my favourite (or least disliked) Science. Luckily for me they’re not in the same week. Oh [exhale].
I’m off to try and sleep now – in other words, wage a war with insomnia and immerse myself in paranoia. MUST RETURN COMMENTS SOON! (And how soon “soon” really is, I won’t specify.)
Happy late Halloween and I hope everyone got lots of yummy candy because I didn’t; I was in my Chinese class watching the Lizzie McGuire Movie (I have no idea as to why the teacher chose to choose THAT particular film to ‘study’ and write essays on…) and well, writing Chinese. So I do not have much to say on my part.
I have been lazy. I have been a little busy. I have been playing games. I have been distracted by MSN. I have been to Parents’ Evening, which was a thoroughly stranger experience than last year because of reasons that would take too long to go into, but include nothing too interesting whatsoever.
In the meantime, I discovered two amazing bands: Stratovarius and Sonata Arctica. Both are Finnish power metal bands, and I’ve lately discovered that this may be my favourite genre yet! Not ditching Green Day yet though. Or any of the other stuff I’ve listened to for quite a while. But especially Green Day :)
Anyway, if anyone is bored and looking for melodic songs with metallic instrumentals, then here are some recommendations:
- Destiny by Stratovarius; a ten-minute long epic song that is fast, that is slow, that includes lovely guitars & keyboards.
- Forever by Stratovarius; a slow song with not-too-special lyrics, and really, this song is not-too-special; I couldn’t specify anything revolutionary about it. But each time I listen, it puts me in a strange mood. A sad one; a strange one; an interesting one.
- FullMoon by Sonata Arctica; arguably their most popular song and one that is a pleasure to listen to, if not for the slightly asdfjkl lyrics.
So how has everyone’s life been?
I rode on a helicopter today and it was fun. One of the world’s tallest buildings looked like a domino, small and insecure. The better theme park (not Disneyland) looked rather dull. I sat in the front of the helicopter, next to the pilot. It was difficult to fight the urge to fiddle around with the complicated controls next to me. One push and who knows what might have happened…
The Physics and Chemistry textbooks are sitting on my bookshelf looking very impatient. The Maths textbook continues to look evil. I have a gum wrapper I refuse to throw away because it is pretty and I am silly. I still don’t know what direction this post is going; I know it’s going nowhere.
Today I briefly toyed with the idea of the helicopter bursting into flame midair, so that I would die and everyone else too without feeling a thing. I don’t believe in afterlife and I’m not afraid of death. Why should I be, when I don’t believe in afterlife? I have nothing against life, but I have nothing for it either. Anyway I am not depressed. It was just amusing; an idea I think about all the time. What if this taxi crashes, what if someone bombs my apartment, what if, what if, what if.
I have always had a problem with figuring out where my inner monologue would go when I die. Obviously, according to my beliefs, it would go nowhere. But it’s just hard to comprehend: the idea of the mind just – disappearing. Trying to imagine that is like trying to imagine what a tesseract would look like. (A tesseract is a 4D shape; it is to a cube what a cube is to a square. Get it? ;)) It’s always been a curious thing, and I’ve always had the temptation to try it out.
But that’s just silly me thinking about silly things again.
And I’m glad I didn’t press the controls, and I’m glad the helicopter didn’t burst into flames.
The point is, if it did, I wouldn’t be sad either.
These days, reality just feels a little out of touch. I’m on a sort-of half term break right now, and this means I’ve resorted to communicating with everyone through electronic means. Don’t get me wrong; I love MSN, I love texting, I love all of it. But it’s just so goddam fake sometimes, I really want to stab myself. In times like these, a small ‘lol’ can mean so much.
These days, the computer seems like a very disillusioning electronic machine. It gives me less pleasure to stalk around Facebook, to check out the blogs I always check, and especially to talk to the people I always talk to. But it’s been a drug for so long, and it’ll remain a drug. I can’t stop. Every time I go home, the first thing I do – before I turn on the lights, before I put my bag down, before I pull the earphones out of my ears – is press the power button that gives life to the machine. And then I do all the vital things. And then I contemplate what to do next. And then I wash my hands, drink my water. This routine I’ve established, though; this routine proves to me and everyone else just what kind of position the computer has assumed in my life.
These days, life is ridiculously good. I say good in the blandest of ways. My family seems to be in a permanently more cheerful mood, of which I can not express my gratitude enough for. My friends seem to have ceased acting slightly strangely every now and then, perhaps because of the diminished time I see them every day. My grades and school in general are not bad, and since I have high expectations, not bad is seriously, seriously not bad. It’s ridiculous that I should complain. This will bite me in the back later, when I do actually have something solid to complain about. But I’m complaining for the time being anyway. The diminished time I spend with my friends has led to – guess what, it’s not hard! – more paranoia. Damn, I do have to deal with this sometime. The good grades have led to a sense of impending doom – that my next test results won’t be as good, that I might as well give up any chances of getting into a good senior school (not that I ever had a big chance of going). It’s all in my head. But since my head is my life, what’s in my head is pretty damn important. To me at least.
To relieve you all from the improperly long paragraph above, I shall end with a short note: I read a lot more nowadays. I just finished Child 44, and it was good, apart from the unbelievable ending. I’m reading Fahrenheit 451 right now – and it’s lovely. I love dystopian fiction, I really do!
I got my Maths test result back today. The teacher didn’t give the papers back but he told us our scores. I’m not too bothered; I know what I did wrong. And I’ve thought about it; according to my score, I didn’t make any silly mistakes at all. Which is extremely surprising and makes me very happy of course :)
I got 57/60. Best Maths score ever. YAYYYY.
And then I have an Econ and Physics test tomorrow. I must be in some floaty mood because I’m not exactly revising (just watched the premiere 2-hour episode of Heroes online) and yet I think I’m going to do OK. According to past experience, no revising means that I will NOT do OK. But Econ is so damn simple and Physics, well screw Physics lol. My teacher, well, I don’t think I learned anything from him. Which is ARGHARGHARGH considering Physics is only going to get harder and harder as more maths is incorporated, etc.
I only have approximately 2 hours left and that’s not counting eating dinner, so GOT TO GO BYE BYE
Yesterday my friend said ‘Obsessive Cleaning Disorder‘. She was talking about her teacher. She was talking about OCD, which actually stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But it was so funny. It was the funniest thing I’d heard in a long time.
I get annoyed too easily. According to my mum I’m too impatient. But each time I hear her say that I get annoyed. In fact each time I hear her say anything other than ‘Do you want your allowance?’, I get annoyed. Either I’m a bad daughter, or the relationship between me and her has fallen to bits and pieces. It’s probably the latter (and a bit of the former; but who am I to judge?), and it’s been that way since I went to secondary school. I don’t give a shit. Or maybe I do, and I’m just acting like I don’t care because I don’t want to care. But no one’s stupid here; you can’t live with someone and not care about them at all.
I got my English timed essay back and I failed. I wrote too much dialogue. And my mind was full of Maths, because I had a Maths test afterwards. My Maths teacher is so frustrating. He tells us every lesson (and we have a LOT of Maths lessons) about how badly we did, but he won’t give us our test papers back.
My brother probably has swine flu. I probably infected him. But it doesn’t really matter, because he’s going to be fine, and I’m already fine. He gets to stay at home and watch movies all day. I get to go to school. But I’d actually rather go to school than stay home. But each time someone stays home I go ‘You’re so lucky!’ I hate how I lie just to fall into clichés, because they are what is expected and what is easy.
Life seems a bit unrealistic right now. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it just sucks. Which doesn’t make sense. Like this post doesn’t make sense. ‘Cynical’ just came up in the song I’m listening to right now. I love that word.
My phone is lagging and it’s annoying and why do I even text at all?